Cancelled

I drove all the way in stop and go traffic to hear, "Why are you here, Dr. RE cancelled your cycle." WHAT?! I was in shock. I couldn't even speak. I was excited to see what kind of growth I had and bam! Got punched in the gut. NO ONE CALLED ME!!!!! I felt like screaming and crying at the same time. The nurse just sat there reading off what the doctor put in the computer--I don't care what that screen says, NO ONE CALLED ME. I said, "That sucks I drove all the way down here for nothing." And that comment finally garnered an apology. Then the thoughts of all I went through to stay with this office came, then I just got really angry. I miss MY doctor and nurse. The nurse got transferred to another office and my doctor is on maternity leave, of all things.

I guess the growth they saw was not fast enough (why does that matter, I don't know) and my estrogen dropped, which signals the ovaries pooping out. "So you are cancelled." (Please stop saying that word.) All the headaches, cramps, and sharp pain were for nothing. I am so nervous about what the injectables are going to make me feel like.

So she said Dr. RE wants a consult with me this week because you are cancelled. (There it is again.) Sorry, going on vacation. I have an appointment next week. As she was writing "CANCELLED" across my paperwork, whiting out US and labs, she said, "Dr. RE said she wants it this week because she just cancelled you." There's that punch in the gut feeling again. It sank in now. I wanted to break down and cry right then and there. Then I said well, she is going to have to call me because I am going to Minnesota. Then she said, "Oh, it's going to be cold!" Thanks for that. Thanks for adding insult to injury. Don't you dare ruin my vacation too! YOU SUCK as a nurse! Where is your compassion?

I left the office and went into the bathroom and balled my eyes out. I have never done that before, but I closed the door and let it all out. I had to. I felt like I was going to explode if I didn't. All the disappointment, anger, and frustration ended up on the yards of toilet paper I used to gather my tears and snot.

I am looking forward to the phone consultation on Friday. She certainly is going to hear what happened. Hoping that we can communicate well and figure out the next step. I am done fooling around, let's get to it. It's time.