As this pregnancy is coming to an end, my memories of all the dreams and wishes of this wonderment are flooding my mind. JJ and I recently celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary. Hard to believe it has been that long already. It really flew by looking back. We have been through so much (half of our marriage was TTC), and we are still so totally in love, it's hard to believe sometimes.
We went to Maui on our honeymoon, which was pure heaven. I would love to go back sometime. One night we just laid on the beach together, looking at the stars and dreaming of our future together. I remember laying there looking up at the stars and praying for babies, for a family with my husband. Then I saw the most amazing shooting star go across the heavens. It sent chills down my spine. I knew it was a sign from God that it would happen. It made me cry. That has happened 2 more times in my life. I can't call that a coincidence.
There were times when I forgot about that, when I was so engrossed in how treatments weren't working, how it looked like an impossibility. I remember a time when I was convinced it actually wasn't going to happen. I took everything I had that reminded me of God's promise and literally destroyed it in a crying rage. I made it into nothing with my bare hands. Everything on the outside literal world showed me signs it wasn't going to happen, and my faith couldn't carry me that day. I lost it.
I somehow found it again and continued. And look where we are now. 35 weeks pregnant with our promise--our little boy about to enter the world. As I feel him inside me, it is still hard to believe sometimes. GOD IS SO GOOD! I hated hearing "All in God's timing". Sometimes I still hate hearing that, but it was also my prayer, as hard as it was praying it. I wanted him to come when he was supposed to come in history. I am praying he is a strong man of God and that he continues to be a fulfillment of prophesy and promise in his life. I can't wait to see him and hold him and talk to him and be with him. It will be a dream come true.