Menopur #10, Follie Check

Today was a busy day in the office. The waiting room was pretty full. It was amazing to me that you could feel the tension in the room, the terror of anticipation. What would this appointment bring? We all knew we had issues. I started to size people up, comparing myself to them in some freakishly weird way, thinking "she looks normal and she has a problem. Maybe I am normal too, I just can't ovulate." I found myself wondering what each couple's problem was--low sperm count, annovulation, premature ovarian failure, PCOS, recurrent miscarriage? What heartache in one small room, I thought. Then I thought, what potential for success! Potential for joy and laughter. These people will have a child, just like me. If they want it, no matter how it will happen, it will happen. It was quite exciting.

I needed that excitement going into this ultrasound. I was super nervous they would find 15 follies on each ovary or something, and that would be the end of this cycle and IVF is next. I stripped down and donned my paper skirt thinking (as I always do) how weird it is to have a wand shoved up my hoo-ha every other day--does it really take all this?! Today it hurt too. I don't know why, but it was painful. It's never comfortable, but today it outright hurt. Then she started measuring, which on me takes awhile with all that are available to measure. The verdict is: leading follicles have grown to 12. Growth good, slow growth disappointing. I still have a lot of others, but the leads are getting bigger. But my estrogen dropped from last week, but my LH is climbing, which means I may ovulate on my own prematurely, so they have to monitor closely. So I increase the Menopur tonight, and check again in a few days. Why did the estrogen drop I wonder?

I was so glad that she didn't cancel the cycle. We both want this to work! I think I would take it better if I grew good follies and didn't get pregnant than if I had to move on to IVF. I just want some of my own joy already!