They Are Growing!

I really wasn't looking forward to yet another US and possibly more disappointment. Could it really still be working? Apparently yes, even this late in my cycle I can have follies grow! I have 2 at 12, the largest I have ever seen them. When she was doing the US, I wasn't even looking, then she started doing a lot of measurements, and I perked up thinking, "She must see something!" Then she turned the screen and there they were, and they looked huge! I think I am acting just like a PCOS-er, ovulating (hopefully) late. So I have to go back in on Monday, but I have to work, and I can't push my luck over there. I already talked to my boss and came in later on Friday which put everyone in a pickle. It is hard when you are a nurse, and they expect you to be there on time and take a patient assignment. Plus, when I got there later, the whole day I was behind. So I am off Tuesday and I will go then. I have decided not to worry about it, but just trust God that if it is going to work this time, those follies will still be there Tuesday and be nice and big and everything will work out. And if it isn't supposed to be this round, then that is what will be best for us. (Oh but do I hope it does work out this round!) Ya-hoo!

Renewed Hope

I went in for US and bloodwork today to put the nail in the coffin on this cycle. I have one follie at 10, that's it. The nurse said the doc will probably cancel this cycle. Then she called me later and said the doc wants me to take 50 mg Clomid for another few days and come in and check again on Tuesday. I was already kissing this cycle goodbye, but renewed hope! I had such big hopes for this cycle, and to see that nothing was happening was very discouraging. But I am so glad that there is still something we can do this cycle!

I think I have to stop listening to the nurse, and wait to see what the final say is from the bloodwork and the doctor until I start giving up hope based on what she says.

Grow follies grow!!!!!

CD 14 Follie Check

The follies have not grown. My lining grew a little. Big whoop, I think this cycle is a no-go. The nurse called and gave me the news, and told me to stop taking the estrogen. My ovaries are huge, and have more follicles, but they are small ones and numerous, and she explained that might be why I am having pain. And that means no exercising. I hope I don't gain any more weight! I will do a final check on Thursday just to make sure things still aren't growing, then on to injectables next cycle.

I really am disappointed. I had really high hopes for this to work this time. I don't know why, Clomid hasn't done it for me in the past. It is just a lot to go through between the meds, hormones, hormone side effects (I have been crying at everything), and trying to coordinate work with follie checks. And now more waiting to do it all again! UHGG! Why does God test us in the areas we are the most terrible at? I am an inpatient person, so this waiting stuff gets on my nerves! Oh Lord, teach me to be more patient (but can you teach me the easy way?)

CD 11, Follie and Hormone Check

I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep. I kept thinking what if they don't see anything? What if they see a lot of follies? Basically I am freaked about it not working this first time around. I am freaked that this is going to drag on and on and I am going to have no hair left from pulling it out!

So we went in and did the ultrasound and they saw 2 follicles, at size 8 and 9. LITTLE guys. Darn! I was really hoping for a little more than that, especially taking 150 mg of Clomid. But I kept telling myself, "Hey, it's only day 11. They will grow (hopefully)." Then I got my bloodwork and waited for the phone call. They called me at 3:55 pm and I couldn't answer the phone until 3:59 pm. The message went a little something like this,"Hi, this is nurse so and so, and Dr. RE wants you to start taking estridiol tablets tonight and over the weekend because your lining is thin. I need the number to your pharmacy. Please call me before 4pm, that is when we close, and we aren't open on weekends." WHAT?!!! It's Friday! I happen to be driving down the road going away from the office. I call the office, of course it goes to voicemail. I am thinking OMG, this cycle is going to be gone-ruined! I try to call again and the message says "Sorry we are closed." OMG! I whipped the car around and thought maybe I could catch them before they leave the office. As I am speeding through a work zone, I am thinking, " This is exactly the stuff that I wanted to avoid. I wanted to stay sane through this!" As I pulled into the complex I saw half the staff pulling out. OMG! I ran to the office and it was lights off and locked. What am I going to do? Then I thought, I don't care, I am paging the doctor, I am calling the answering service. Surely she is still in the office, it just closed 10 minutes ago! So I called, and of course they put me on hold for what seemed like ages and they were able to patch me through to the office after much begging.

I will certainly be talking to them in person about calling someone 5 minutes before they close and telling them they need to get a hold of you because you need to take a medication. They knew my lining was thin this morning and you are calling me now? On top of that, my original Dr. RE is on maternity leave of all things until October and my nurse I have been working with is changing to another office. Great-all new people to work with now. That stinks! Oh please follies grow so I don't have to go through this junk for long!

CD3-Ready, Set, GO!

I am excited for the future. I had my US yesterday along with bloodwork. The nurse said my US looks good (glad the surgery took!) and she expects my labs will be OK to start. I started Clomid today. She feels pretty sure I will have to do the Ovidrel injection too. Then progesterone (I am hoping it isn't PIO but the suppositories.) Of course I am working when my next appointment needs to be, so I am praying I find someone to switch days with me.

My sister so generously has offered to let me use her baby equipment. That is really going to help out-that stuff can be expensive. I have already brought some of it home as a step of faith. I know we will have children, it's just the when and how that is in question. I would hate for that stuff to just sit there for a long time. I know I don't want to look at it for that long, that's for sure. I still struggle with looking at the baby stuff in the stores, even though I have faith it will happen. I find myself wanting to look, but when it happens to be there, I turn my head. I think I am afraid of the emotions I may feel. I am tired of those, and they are hard to face-it can be exhausting. It's easier just to avoid it. I often wonder if, when I know for sure a baby is coming, whether I will still have those feelings, or will it go away immediately. I have a feeling it might take some time. Can't wait for it though, really can't wait!

And so it begins...

Praise God, insurance is paying for everything! (As they should!) I can continue to see Dr. RE. The wait is over. What a relief! Monday I have an ultrasound (I think by the time this is all over I will have had hundreds of those!) and blood tests. Then I start Clomid and possibly Ovidrel. I am hoping and praying that it takes the first time. No overstim, no understim, no multiples! I wouldn't mind twins so much, but triplets would be really hard. It's not fair the the babies-they definitely would be premature and the stress of that would be hard. Plus I know it would be hard at work, and I really want to work right up to delivery so I can spend the most time with them after. It would really stink to waste my maternity time on bedrest before they come.

I found out if it works this round, I will be due around Mother's Day! It would be so wonderful to deliver on Mother's Day. My husband was born on Mother's Day too. (He may have to share a birthday!) What a wonderful gift to get on that day-our heart's desire! I also would love the fact that I wouldn't be major pregnant in the Chicago summer heat-I would miss it completely. Love that thought!

I just can't wait for it all. I can't wait to tell the good news of what God has done in our lives!