Hope Endures!

Since this big debacle with insurance not paying, it has been an emotional roller coaster. The waiting has been the worst part of it I think. But I recently have been getting some paperwork from them saying they have paid the doctor. Now I just need them to pay the hospital for my surgery, and we are golden! ( That is the biggest expense.)

Either way, with the insurance change, I will be able to stay with my doctor. It would have broken my heart to switch. Just the paperwork alone to start with a new doctor would have been ridiculous. The new insurance begins August 1, which means I could be taking the meds and start monitoring in a few weeks!!! I am totally excited about that. The meds have just been sitting in the fridge torturing me because I was working out this whole thing.

This was a major bump in the road to motherhood, and I have often wondered if God heard me-if He was in tune with what I was going through. I stopped today to think about it, and I realized He has given me signs that He has been there with me (that He is there for me.) Things like a sermon I listened to, encouragement and hugs from family and friends, reminders of His promise to us for children (however that may happen.) When His people were in the desert, He gave them daily provision in the form of manna and quail, and that was a daily miracle! But they were still in the desert, He allowed them to experience the desert. Do I ever feel like I am in a desert! I hope I am learning in it though, that my character is being exercised, and that it is growing. I hope that I don't become that "bitter infertle" I so often read and listen to. Do I understand the rants? YOU BETCHA (read some of my older posts)! But I can't let this change me for the worse. 

I want to be the person going through infertility who wants to invest in the children in her life currently, who can be excited for a friend who is pregnant or who just had a baby. Sometimes it's hard, I would be lying if I said it wasn't. But the last thing I want to happen is let these years pass me by and regret what kind of person I was. And I know God will still be with me no matter what.