Sunday, May 17, 2009

Attitudes

JJ and I were talking the other day about how our marriage is actually surviving this IF thing. He was saying how it is hard for him to understand how some marriages have difficulty or don't last through it. I told him I can totally see it. Especially if your hormones are out of wack when you are taking meds, or whenever you have sex, all you can think of is, "Is this the time we are going to conceive?" or "Why isn't this working for us?" That can put a strain on a marriage.
But ultimately, I think it is about your attitude. I believe you ultimately choose your attitude about things. Yes, things can be difficult. The frustration and questions of why will forever haunt you. But after the cry and anger, you have to ask in the end if you are going to to choose to learn from this and take it as something that is making you stronger. I am constantly reminding myself that this is going to make me a better person if I let it, and ultimately a better mother. Isn't that what we are striving for, motherhood (and being good at it)? If we are choosing motherhood, don't we want to be the best that we can be? And if we let this get us, I don't think we will survive motherhood well. It is definitely a challenge, just like marriage.  I would like to think that this is an opportunity that a lot of other mothers (or people for that matter) have not had. My wait, as hard as it is, is preparing me for what's ahead, and many have not had that opportunity. I often wonder if I will have a more fulfilling parenting experience than the others will ultimately have. 
I heard something today in church that really sums up the hard things we go through. The guest pastor said, "A faith sandwich doesn't taste very good, but it is really filling." I was thinking, if all you focus on is the taste, it won't be filling, because you won't eat it. But what if you choose to eat it and you get filled? In the end, you will be satisfied. God will not let you be empty. He has us going through this for a reason, but we have to choose to learn, have a good attitude, and become better people. 

23 comments:

  1. I agree with you on all of this.. thanks for sharing that bit about the "Faith Sandwich":)

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  2. I so agree with you about this. IF sucks, but each day I am learning a new thing about myself... and hopefully thats just making me a better person and hopefully a better mother (eventually). I have two posts on my blog, they are by anonymous authors... I wish I was that tallented in expressing my feelings :)... but they truly speak my heart out! Check it out (assuming you haven't bumped in to them before): "What do I think God meant when he gave me..." (May 2009) and "Yes, I will be a better mother" (March 2009).

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  3. IF sucks and is hard on a marriage. It is wonderful that you guys are making it through the storm.
    ICLW

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  4. Wow@the faith sandwich! Yes, it is all in the attitude! And understanding!

    P.S. Love you photograph!

    *ICLW*

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  5. That's a very power statement, about the faith sandwich! I love it! I also love your picture, it's such a fun picture!
    *ICLW*

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  6. So true!! God doesn't promise us an easy life...but there is growth and purpose in whatever life He gives us. I love the way you expressed this!

    ICLW

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  7. I really liked the "Faith Sandwhich" analogy---cool story!

    *ICLW*

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  8. I love this!!! Very well said.

    ICLW

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  9. What a great post - and how true. Loved what you wrote about how this is preparing you for what lies ahead. (ICLW)

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  10. I agree. IF sucks, and it is hard. But like anything that is challenging it only makes you stronger in the end, if thats you let it.

    ICLW

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  11. Great post. I'm glad you guys are making it through this journey together. One thing my sister said when we told her about our IF problems is that it's a good thing we both have problems. That way we can't blame it on each other.

    ICLW

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  12. What a woonderful attitude!

    ICLW

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  13. That is awesome, sweetie. Thank you so much for sharing that. ((((HUGS))))

    Tammy
    ICLW

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  14. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  15. What a great post! I used to not be able to understand how IF could affect your marriage, but I totally see it now. It can take a huge toll on your relationship with your partner, in ways you never even imagined. I like your thoughts about it being what you make it out to be. Sometimes things just are what they are and we have to make the best of it. It's a great way to get through difficult times. Good luck in your journey!

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  16. What a fabulous post.

    I also think the marriages that don't survive infertility are the ones that were flawed to begin with.

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  17. IF is hard to deal with, and it's hard on the marriage, but I'm glad to see that you're surviving!

    thanks for sharing

    ~Stopping by for ICLW~

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  18. Attitude is everything - IF is tough to get through, but if you can survive this, you know that you can survive anything!

    ICLW

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  19. This post is a great reminder that we may not control the challenges we face, but we certainly control our attitude as we face them. The "Faith Sandwich" analogy was really cool. You're right, IF is really tough, but it can also be an opportunity to learn and grow.

    ICLW

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  20. At work we have a sign over the office door that says 'choose your attitude'. For a long time I just applied that to my work life, but a while back I started thinking about it in terms of my whole life... infertility, loss, family struggles... in every situation we choose how to respond and how it will affect us. Great post!

    ICLW

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  21. Husband and I have said the exact same thing... that if this infertility thing is the worst thing we have to go through than we're going to be ok.
    We support each other no matter what. And that is good.

    *ICLW*

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  22. any adversity brings out what was already there. if you have a strong foundation your marriage will be stronger, if you do not then your marriage will crumble. this is a really great post.

    ILCW

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  23. Infertility can be such a strain on a relationship. Hang in there. ((Hugs))

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