Pain

It is 3:30 AM and I am awake, blowing my nose (I have a cold!) and having pain in what seems like everywhere. I now know what it must be like to have arthritis. My joints ache, especially my hips, back and wrists and fingers. (And now I have carpel tunnel that makes my hands go numb!) I dread getting up from anywhere because I know it's going to hurt, especially in the middle of the night. Tylenol only goes so far, unfortunately. I am praying this baby comes tomorrow because it's just getting worse, and I'm not sure that I can stand it much longer.
Yesterday I called my boss to let her know that I was going to take maternity leave starting today. Last time I worked I was in so much pain when I got home and was exhausted. My last OB checkup revealed I was already 5 cm dilated. Between work being miserable and being so close to delivery, I figured it might be best to stop working. I don't want to go into labor at work or after when I am exhausted. This will not make for a good labor and delivery.
It's nice to know that I am dilated this far. I knew those bouts of false labor (3 total so far!) were doing something. I am already halfway there. This makes me happy and a little scared he is going to come too quick, like at home or something. I have been reassured this won't happen, but they can't know that for sure. I'm not sure I will believe I'm in true labor until he is coming out!
I just want this kid out now! It's amazing how much a baby takes over your body, and I want it back!

False Hope

Yesterday I believed I was in early labor. That is what I was told, and what the signs said. But it left, fizzled out, stopped. I am so disappointed! I am so ready to have this kid. I have been having a really hard time being comfortable at night when I am trying to sleep and just a lot of pain in my joints (I think because of the extra water).
I didn't sleep very good the night before. And on Sunday I just wasn't feeling quite myself and was feeling a little extra pressure "down there". After church we went to lunch and I had some spicy buffalo wings (in hopes of bringing on labor in fact!) As lunch went on I got more uncomfortable with more pressure. As we walked to the car, I almost felt like he was going to fall out and (TMI!) like I had to have a huge BM! We were about halfway home when I got so uncomfortable I didn't want to sit anymore and the pressure just kept on building. I called a friend, and she thought I might be starting into labor.
When we got home within about a half hour I started contracting and then they became regular and pretty quick in coming. We started timing them and were shocked to find them about 2 minutes apart. They hadn't really been painful, so that was making me confused as to what it was. I called my doula and she was equally puzzled. She suggested that I try to nap, so I laid down and tried, but I was unable to snooze. They slowed a bit and became irregular when I laid down initially, but returned to every 2 minutes after about 20 minutes. So at that point I was convinced this was the real thing. I called my doctor to get her thoughts on what to do and what she thought it was and she believed me to be in early labor, but wanted me to stay home until the contractions got really painful. That never really happened. I did start to have some vaginal and back pain, but it never got very painful where I couldn't walk through them or anything. All the while I was trying to get some sleep, which wasn't really happening.
Eventually I was able to fall asleep for about an hour and when I woke up I realized that the contractions were much less intense and not coming regularly anymore. I was unable to sleep anymore after that timing them again and trying to figure out what was happening. After a while they just fizzled out, almost stopping completely.
I was so shocked that this didn't turn into real labor. I am disappointed and embarrassed. We called so many people, and now we are all disappointed. My mood today has been pretty depressed, but I am working through it and feeling better already. I have to remind myself of my prayer that the baby comes when he is ready. I just know that I am ready for sure. It's just hard to come down off that high of possibly meeting our little one soon!
I go to the doctor tomorrow and we will see if this fiasco made anymore cervical change, which I am hoping all that work did something! And if so, will lead to a shorter labor when the real thing comes!

Signs

Lately I have had some signs that this baby is coming soon, and it's freaking me out! We aren't ready! Everyone told me I would probably go late because it was my first, and that is what they typically do. But just this past week, I have "dropped", I am 1 cm dilated and 60% effaced, and yesterday I think I lost my mucus plug (I hate that word-sounds so yuck, which it was!) I think this means that I am dilating more!

The problem is JJ and I haven't finished our birthing/coaching book (he's been out of town a lot lately) and unfortunately our doula we hired lost her husband unexpectedly last week. So I'm not sure where that leaves us with her. I would really like her to still attend our birth, but I'm not sure where she stands on that, and I want to be sensitive to her situation, but this weighs heavily on my mind. If I knew he wasn't going to come for another few weeks, I would be more chill about it, but I'm not so sure anymore.

I packed my bag (as much as I could) this evening after I lost the plug. I figured it might be smart to do that! We also did more work in our Bradley Method Childbirth book. We are almost done! We just need to practice more too. If this baby could just hold on for another 2 weeks or so, I would be happy and feel a lot more prepared. We will see!