Cancelled...Again

Follow up today, and not much growth. I have been doing injections for 15 days now-a long time to be stimming. So Dr. RE cancelled the cycle. Now I wait for my period which usually doesn't come on it's own these days. That means more waiting. I should be given a medal in waiting! Dr. RE said she is going to start me on a big dose of Menopur to start out next cycle and possibly decrease me if needed.

The nurse mentioned I would be a good candidate of IVF with all the follicles that were being stimulated and growing. That just threw me into a bad day. I mourned the cycle the rest of the day. I really felt a loss in the fact that it wasn't working like it should, and IVF may be what we have to go to. I pleaded with God to save the cycle or at least save the IUI concept. I didn't want to give up, I didn't want to quit yet because that means failure...again. Cancelled...again. It makes you think things like, is there something else I could have done, or maybe I shouldn't have done. The guilt sets in and eats away at you. I have to be careful to not let it. It can ruin who you are, what God is calling you to do. You just have to say, this is what is handed to me, and it's not because of you, it's not your fault. It just is.

This worship song came on when I was going to the clinic the other day. The lyrics were "It's all about you, Jesus. And all this is for you. For your glory and your fame." I applied that to what I have been doing, what I was so sick of doing by that point. I was reminded that God will get the glory through what I am doing. That is all I have ever wanted through all this. That is my motivation now. For His glory and fame.